They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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