Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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