I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
