Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm really into asian looking animals
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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