Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
