Dual....:-)
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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