I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
