My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
