he puts the penis in happiness.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
