why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
