ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
