I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
