And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i drank out of a bidet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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