DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Randomize
