I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
