I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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