That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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