Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
