I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
