I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
