he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
