Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
