he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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