the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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