Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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