Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
