I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
