we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
