Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Still dying that you shit outside
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
