i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
