I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
