i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
