If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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