If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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