also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
foreskin is a definite game changer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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