life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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