well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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