UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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