You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
