I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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