Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
