oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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