butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
