After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
