Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize