I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
