Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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