I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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