In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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