I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
