i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
