i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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