im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
