so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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