you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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