just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
