If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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