Jerry, you need to find god
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
