why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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