The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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