Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
