i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
