I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
vagina is talking i cant
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize