we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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