You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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