btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
