Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
