I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
