Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
