i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize