There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
