do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
