I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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