It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
