he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
