Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
