Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
