Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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